In this period where a dark cloud of confusion and faithlessness is hanging in the air, I have been spending much time contemplating of why these things became possible and occurring while we are now in the most ending part of God’s providence of salvation.
As I am reflecting, I came to the point of remembering how my life of faith started and I thought of compiling it. These are my inspirations, my strength and Heaven’s calling for me.
So I believe the best way to keep them is by sharing them with others. As I can feel that my life also is not getting any younger and longer, I just wish to post these stuff. It’s not intended to inspire you or frustrate you, nor give you another IG lesson or boring chikkas. I just would like everybody to now that I firmly believe that this MEMORIES of FAITH is my destined path even before I was born.
Memories of Faith
The Dreams (1): I have a mission
I was born and grew up in Makati City, Philippines and spent my childhood days over there. When I was 10 years old my father died of heart attack and it became a very traumatic experience for me. My dreams and ambitions were shuttered into pieces and my views of life changed since then. From the time he transitioned onto the spiritual world, I had many both special and weird dreams and had been hearing voices from the unknown.
Just few months after that, he appeared in my dream asking me to come with him to a place where there is so much peace and beauty. He was convincing me to really go with him and enjoy the life in that place.
However, I vividly remembered my answer to him, “No I can’t go with you now, I have yet mission to accomplish”. Actually in my dream I was the Wonder Woman (the famous TV series during that time portrayed by Linda Carter) who had to save many children from “berdugo” (word for kidnappers and children’s killer).
I was barely 10 years old and full of fantasies. Nevertheless, as young as I was at that time, many people considered me matured in my ways of thinking but of course the magnitude of still being a child was keeping me on that level and never thought of that dream seriously. later I realized that that dream is God’s way of preparing my path to where I am now.
The Dreams (2): the voice of Heaven
Due to an avoidable circumstances in our family, we moved to the province when I was on my last year in the elementary but I came back to Manila and studied at Philippine Women’s University (Taft) – JMD (HS division) for 2 years. I stayed with my aunts (younger sisters of my father) who had supported my schooling at that time. However, I became sickly and decided to move back to the province where my mother, grandmother and 2 siblings were living and finished my 2 remaining HS years at San Augustine Academy (Jaen, Nueva Ecija) and had my college years at Araullo University (Cabanatuan City).
Dreams were continuously occurring as if my mind was not resting anymore that even at night my brain was working. My dreams were very clear even when I woke up the following morning.
It was summer of 1983 and I was already living in the province when I had this dream, that an old man appeared to me but I couldn’t see clearly his face just the feature of a man and his voice, saying “My child, repent and change for I am coming soon”
At that time, it was Lenten season where Christians were celebrating the passion of Christ in every small church in the villages. My family was not excused to that since we were devout Catholics. My mother and grandmother were both women leaders in our parochial church. During my elementary years I had this catholic education from our school — Holy Trinity Academy in Makati and continued until High school in San Agustine Academy.
Therefore who would dare to think seriously about that dream? When I shared it with others, they told me that it was just a hangover or due to under sleep because we were doing the “PABASA” (a ritual of reading the passion of Jesus from birth to death in a singing way). Moreover, since we were younger compared with the grandmas, we were assigned at a night shift then.
Though nobody took it seriously even myself, but the voice kept on ringing in my heart for several days. The voice telling me to repent and change for he is coming soon really struck me and every time I remembered it, I was pushed to really start my journey, to search for the truth and I decided to seriously read the Bible from cover to cover.
Every time, I questioned myself of who that man was, immediately another question came in “who else will be coming back?” I was joking to myself: how about McArthur since he said I shall return. However the word REPENT and CHANGE was only spoken by Jesus.
I kept that inspiration and belief that Jesus was that man in my dream and from that time on I kept my longing to meet him. I established my belief that the Second Coming would surely occur and my prayerful wish was to meet him during my life-time here on earth.
As I started my journey, I had to be careful not to lose my sense of being a youth otherwise, I would be branded as crazy stuff among my friends. The force of secular world was pulling me to live the way a normal youth should live and I enjoyed that very much but my mind was suffering from this VOICE that was stuck in my conscience…
I thought these things only occurred in movies and drama series however it did happen to me and now I realized that at that time, God was already calling me and preparing my path to where I am now.
Written: April 25, 2010 (12th day of the 3rd month of the 1st year of heaven) Ulsan City, Korea
The Dreams (3): The super enormous SNAKE and an old MAN
During the time of my searching moments, I developed the desire to attend different kinds of Christian fellowships and mingled with different faiths. My grandmother was very upset with it. She believed (of course, old people’s way of thinking) that since we were born Catholics, we should die as Catholics despite the fact that all her 5 sisters were Iglesia ni Cristo [Church of Christ] members and their sons and daughters were deacons and deaconesses. She was never influenced by them or my grandfather’s sibling who was a Jehovah Witness deaconess.
In short, my mother’s parents were the only Catholics among their siblings and my mother’s siblings were raised to that traditional faith. Therefore my act of going from one faith to another was very strange in our traditional life.
So to keep my obedience to my grandma, I had to keep myself at home and focus on reading the bible and try to analyze and digest the words I was reading.
One night, I fell asleep while in the middle of reading the scriptures and I dreamt of a super enormous snake. There was no ANACONDA movie yet at that time (1983) so I didn’t know about it but that snake was just smaller than the Anaconda I saw from the movie today. The snake came out from a hole in one of the house’s pillars. The house was almost a worn-out small building made of logs. It was situated in the forest covered by many tall trees around.
I couldn’t remember the beginning of the dream except for the part that I was in front of that log cabin and suddenly this snake came out from a hole and ran after me. To my surprise, I started running everywhere to the best of my speed ability. I was thinking, “what is this?” I couldn’t imagine how I could ever escape from it. While running anywhere, I was thinking of a strategy. At the back of my mind since I was a gold medalist for 200 and 400 meter sprint during my 2 years in HS at Philippine Women’s University, I had to use my speed ability to trick this snake…
So what I did, while running I really looked for a place where there is a BIG tree that I could do my plan like the cartoon animation story (speedy Gonzalez: I think it is Tom and Jerry now) where the mouse had to escape from the cat.
All of a sudden I saw a one rounded garden of roses in the middle of that forest with one very big pine tree at the center. It was a beautiful big rose garden in the middle of many big trees. For me seeing that was an answer to my plan… I ran as fast as I could to reach that place and use my jumping ability in hurdle relay track events to go over these thorny rose plants
My plan was to run around the garden for several turns in the fastest way I could to trick him, jump over the rose plants from time to time and later escape. I was thinking the snake would be stuck around the rose stems and would be hurt by the thorns. However, the snake had been pouring out its speed almost equal to mine… “oh my gosh!” I exclaimed.
I remembered that when I felt hopeless, unintentionally I uttered the following sentence, “oh my Gosh, Lord please help me!” This is the usual expression if people are in danger though it’s not coming from the heart. But in that situation, really I was seriously in need of help otherwise I would meet the end of my life.
Suddenly I spotted a small log cabin just beside the rounded garden which was not there in the beginning and in it was a man watching at me from the window, I shouted “please help me” and stopped running around the tree instead came up to him who was also coming out from his house to meet me.
As soon as I jumped over the roses he was already in front of me and the moment I landed on the ground exactly I was able to embrace his big thigh. He was tall and with good body shape and was holding a cane stick taller than him. Without a word he just laid his palm on my head and to my surprised, the snake was nowhere to be found in the site then I woke-up.
That whole day I was trying to recall his face, I could feel he was the Lord Jesus but had no chance to really glance on his face before I woke up except when I saw him in the window. In my recollections and feelings his face was not similar to any of Jesus’ pictures I had seen. He was more of an Asian so I was wondering who he was at that time.
During those times I couldn’t interpret my dreams however after I’ve learned the Divine Principle and met the Messiah, I realized the following
1. I will definitely face my big snake (trials, suffering, test etc) in life
2. to overcome the snake I need to keep my faith to God.
3. I have to use all my abilities and knowledge I learned to succeed over this path of fighting this snake
4. anytime anywhere, snake will appear in our life so we need to be prepared always.
5. in those trials and suffering moment especially life and death situation, never ever forget that God is with us. He is always within our reach but just waiting for a call from us before he will help.
6. while we are in search of a true path, snake is inevitable in our journey.
Written: April 25, 2010 (12th day of the 3rd month of the 1st year of heaven) 7 pm Ulsan City
The dreams (4): The White and Black Angel
I was in my 3rd year HS when I had this very meaningful dream about the white and black angel. What I could remember as the beginning of it was a black male angel holding my left hand and asking me to choose between him and the white female angel who was standing on my right side which I didn’t notice actually in the beginning until the question was raised by the black angel.
I didn’t answer him in words but by action as I grabbed the arm of the white angel. (Later after knowing the Divine Principle, I realized that it has great significance).
The moment I grabbed her arm she held my hand strongly and we ran away from the male angel. We kept on running and running passing through different incredible obstacles. One was a rough stony road. I couldn’t understand why I was not wearing shoes or slippers that time. That case was so severe that my feet were bleeding due to those rough-pointed sharp stones. I was thinking, “Whew, because she was flying that’s why she didn’t even think I’m a human being”. I felt I shouldn’t give up despite the pains since the black angel was chasing after me with a furious feeling because I didn’t choose him.
Right after that we had to pass through a very narrow alley with cemented walls, super narrow that I couldn’t pass if I wouldn’t be running sideways. The distance of the alley was too long that caused my body to have lots of bruises and bleed. Of course the angel was a spirit being so she could easily pass by without thinking how difficult I must had been. I was crying in pain since all throughout my life until that time I never knew what painful body was because I hadn’t experienced any.
However, I was shocked because at the end of that long narrow alley, we came up to a very beautiful vast green field with fresh green grasses, very similar to some TV commercials I saw. It was a place I wish to be at. So peaceful, so fresh, so calm with gentle breeze touching my face and brushing my skin. I was so comforted. All my body pains were gone and I couldn’t find any corner of that narrow alley anymore. I couldn’t see the boundary of the sky and grasses. Nobody was there except me and the white angel.
What was strange was that a simple stage about a meter high above the ground with a single chair in the middle appeared before my eyes. The white angel held me up to the stage and had me sat on the chair while she remained on the ground. She told me, “have peace, you are now safe here” then she disappeared.
My gosh, the moment she was gone, I saw the black angel holding my left leg and saying, “You can’t escape from me, you’re mine”. I was fighting to the fullest as he was pulling me down. I kicked him the hardest I could while shouting, “I don’t like you, leave me alone”, several times until I woke up. (You could imagine this incident similar to a movie where a woman was trying to escape from a rapist…)
During those times, I had nobody to turn to to discuss my dreams. Nobody would believe me. My lifestyle was completely opposite to be called a religious person. My personality was so terrible if judged by the Divine Principle. Despite my journey to search the truth, my appearance and aura wouldn’t coincide with it therefore, people would never believe me. The more I would talk the more I would be branded as crazy young gal in the village. Also in the eyes of old people I was too young then to be receiving these revelations.
The morning I woke up, I was praying to our Lord Jesus Christ to let me had the person who could interpret my dreams. I had to read the bible and tried to understand my dreams by my own interpretation base on inspirations coming from heaven. But I felt reading the bible was not answering my desperate wish to know the meanings of my dreams. So I seriously prayed to our Lord Jesus Christ, “please let me meet you in my lifetime” and promised him that as soon as I met him, I would dedicate my whole life to him. That was the first time I gave my commitment to follow the Lord if ever I would meet him personally.
By the way, when I learned the Divine Principle, I could easily understand the significance of our Portion of Responsibility (POR), our 5% responsibility because of this dream. I could understand easily that our lives were dominated by Satan or should I say we are living with Satan (as the black angel was holding me). I could easily understand the idea that God is just waiting for us to come back to His bosom. He is not asking us to choose but waiting for us to choose Him.
This dream helped me greatly to understand the value of Man’s POR which is very vital in our spiritual growth which I didnt learn from any existing Christian denominations. Without this dream, I may have had a hard time understanding the very essence of the principle.
I also realized that going to the Kingdom of Heaven is really not easy and the moment I choose to be with God, I would definitely experience lots of pains and suffering life. This dream helped me kept a positive attitude towards suffering course in my church life until now.
I also realized that even though it appeared to be I’m safe or stable, until I hadn’t reached my final destination, Satan will keep on bugging me and dragging me to be with him. This dream helped me developed an attitude of NOT giving up my faith even in a Hellish situation or environment.
I realized also that at the end of suffering life, even though how much painful they would seem to be, nor how long it would take, there will surely be Heaven full of happiness and peace. That beautiful lawn at the end of all those painful journey gave me so much hope that despite all our sufferings, surely Heaven will be the end of our journey as long as we choose God.
ONLY after I learned the Divine Principle I could have interpreted these dreams. I was thinking, oh my gosh! God had been preparing me since 1983 to this path and life journey.
Written: May 2, 2010 19th day of the 3rd month of the 1st year of heaven 1:00 AM Ulsan City, Korea
The Dreams (5) The Wedding
I was 4th year HS then when I had this very wonderful dream about the blessing.
It was early morning when I was awaken by the shout of the priest, yelling in a loud voice “Why are youmaking me wait like this, where are the bride and groom?” I was wondering why I was sitting in the front pew of the church wearing a wedding gown.
I looked around the church until the back area to check who was the couple to be wed that made the priest so angry. However, nobody seems to be except me since I was the only one wearing the wedding gown.
For courtesy sake and to calm down the priest, I stood and immediately ran towards him with a wondering mind… “Is it me?” “Who is my fiance?” Then the moment I stood in front of the priest there was a man rushing from the outside wearing a suit whom I never knew. He was apologizing a lot for being late.
When the priest announced the start of the ceremony and while preparing the altar, I was asking the man if we knew each other, what was his name, where did we meet, were we engaged couple, etc.
Honestly it was JUST out of respect and obedience to the priest that’s why even though I didn’t know what was going on and how did it start, I came up front for the ceremony.
It was a simple ceremony… a question and answer and the water benediction only, then the Priest declared we were now man & wife. Right after that, this guy held my arm and he told me he had no time because he had mission to finish so we needed to hurry up. We ran and ran passing through a muddy area and squatter’s village. My gown was covered with so much dirt because of the mud that splashed on it when we passed through that muddy place. In the squatter village I saw a lot of suffering people. I was thinking,“oh my gosh, this is really a terrible life”. People were fighting, stealing, starving and some were sickly. That place never reached my imagination that time.
(Actually during those times though we were not rich but my mother despite being alone in raising our family, we never experienced such terrible situation similar to what I saw in my dream.)
After passing along that place, my shock made me speechless as we entered into a white palace. He said, it was his home and from that time on I would be living there. However, he said “I have to leave you here since I have to continue my mission” and he disappeared. Then I woke up.
I never thought of the religious aspect of my dream when I woke up…. I was trying to recall HIS FACE! He was tall with small eyes and had a white complexion. I think my secular mind was working strongly at that time. For the whole day I was trying to recall all the faces of the brothers I knew who could possibly be similar to the guy in my dream. I happened to relate this dream to my youngest aunt while she was preparing our dinner but she just coldly told me that those were just by-products of my imagination. However that search of who that guy was extended until I was in college before I joined the movement.
Accidentally, when I was a freshman in Geodetic Engineering (Araullo University), I happened to have a classmate who looked similar to the guy in my dream. He was cute and with a cheerful face. Since I was elected class president for the entire freshman in our Department, I was close to many students particularly with this guy. Also because he lived next to our town we were on the same school transportation service. But, this guy was smoking and was not good in his studies that turned me off so much. Because i couldnt find answer to this query I stopped thinking about the guy in my dream until I forgot about it.
I didn’t think of this dream seriously anymore nor I thought of any spiritual message in it except for the fact that I became curious of to whom I would be married with in the future.
In 1987 since we were CARP members only, the blessing, was a secret thing to all of us. Only in 1988 when there were candidates from Cabanatuan that this Blessing came to our knowledge.
Suddenly, I remembered my dream so clearly. All things flashed in a screen in details. The first thing that came into my mind was not the guy but the Priest. It was True Father. I was crying in the prayer room when I recalled that moment. My gosh! I met True Father in 1985 while I was 4th year HS and I thought he was already preparing me to join the church as soon as I entered University and yet, I turned down many invitations from CARP during those period and later joined when I was already in 3rd year.
Because of my dream, I never had any problem understanding the idea of the blessing, the matching part especially. For people with secular mindset, matching is very crucial idea which many people would struggle about. However, because of my dream, I never had any single doubt about it and could fully understand even the course of the blessing.
The muddy area and the squatter village that we had been into gave me an idea that there is no immediate Kingdom of Heaven or ideals in the blessing. In fact I kept in my mind that I would be passing through those hellish situations before I could see the Heavenly Palace.
That Palace became my hope, my strength, my vision and my sustenance to keep my blessing life now. I believed, with all my experiences in this course, heaven is surely the END POINT of my journey as long as I will hold onto my faith to the Messiah.
Written: May 3, 2010 (20th day of the 3rd month of the 1st yr of heaven) 1:27 AM Ulsan City, Korea
Heaven’s Attempt To Bring Me To The Church
With all my past dreams with significant meanings, I do believe, God had been preparing me to join the church as soon as I would enter University. However this time I would like to share how heaven attempted to bring me into the church in 1985 but wasn’t able to.
Because I missed the NCEE (national college entrance examination) test during my 4th year in high school, I landed in the Geodetic Engineering department by force since this course didn’t require NCEE during enrollment. Actually, I wished then to take up BS Psychology or AB Political Science. Despite my limitation to enroll for that, I started from the 3-year Associate GE course to begin my college years.
I was too ambitious maybe during those times because I wished to be a well-known student leader and great achiever. So what I did, I took up all the necessary subjects I needed from different College Departments to gain access to all areas that would serve my purpose in the future. I just took the 2 major subjects in GE and the rest are from Civil Engineering, AB, Education, Architecture and Criminology departments. I didn’t have the chance to enter the Accountancy department at that time.
During my first semester as a freshman in the university, I was too busy joining different Academic clubs. And during my second semester I penetrated our school newspaper. It was very unusual for an AGE student to do what I did since almost all the students there were not focused on extra-curricular activities and academic clubs. That lifestyle of mine drew a lot of attention to almost all my professors. I became close with them and I greatly deal with them too until such time that 2 of GE Dept professors did encourage me to pursue the course even though I got my NCEE test already.
My classmates and the entire department were almost all boys. There were only 4 of us ladies in the first year and 7 in second year, 5 in third year and no girls at all in 4th and 5th year. It was known to be MEN’s place. It wasn’t difficult for me to deal with boys. Our major activities involved climbing the mountains, going to rice paddies, highways and streets, climbing the top of the buildings etc. because we need to measure land areas and subdivide some lots. Unlike Civil and Industrial engineering, my course was not really meant for ladies in the field.
During the 2nd semester, I had one major subject about GE Laws 1 and I happened to have one classmate who was a 5th yr CE student then. She was graduating that time and GE Laws 1 was a required subject for her graduation so she took it up in our class.
Since she was older than all of us, she was always occupying the front seat next to mine. I was so curious with her since she was always falling asleep in our class. At that time I was really wondering and thinking, what kind of student she was… I couldn’t imagine how tired she was in her daily schedule to be sleeping most of the time in our class.
Our professor was a lawyer and at the same time Provincial Police Chief Superintendent who used to share jokes that would crack your chair in laughter. In one instance, my Unification Church classmate who was always sleeping dropped off her things on the floor as she was awaken by our loud noise. I helped her picked her things up. I saw HSA-UWC written in her notebook and a lot of Christian songs in it when I picked it up for her. Of course at that time I didn’t know about the church.
My impression with her changed since then. I was thinking “oh she’s religious” though it didn’t appear to be so. It triggered something inside me. MY FAITH! which I almost forgot due to secular lifestyle of being a college student who was involved in many activities.
That 2nd semester I joined the student council by election. I got many friends who were so close to me from Communist leaning student groups (of course I didn’t know that too). I joined some of their activities and support their cause. Basically it appeared that I was one with them….
Every time my Unification Church classmate arrived in the class, I always asked her to lend me her notebook with Christian songs and even asked her to sing with before our professor arrive. She was talkative actually but when I started asking her about her church and religion, she didn’t answer me clearly. She explained a lot of things to avoid my question. I asked her about the name HSA-UWC since there was Holy Spirit and Christianity words in there but she didn’t even give clear answer to that.
I was searching for my faith’s path and the spirit world had been guiding me through dreams for many years but the person who could have led me to True Parents during that time didn’t have the desire to witness to me. I learned later through her testimony when we became classmate during a 21-day Divine Principle workshop in Antipolo under Rev. Gary Fleishman in 1988 that she never thought I would be joining the church.
Judging my lifestyle and life views, I was very far to be joining Unification Church. At that same time, she said, she thought I was one with those leftist student groups that gave her a big doubt of bringing me to the church. She even thought that I was spying since I asked her a lot of questions. Heheheeh hmmmmmm. If only she tried MAYBE she became my spiritual mother….
Because of this case, I’ve learned some points in witnessing. People come not by our invitation but by the preparation from spirit world. We are just being used by spirit world to bring them in. Keeping them is our MAIN and VERY IMPORTANT responsibility as spiritual parent.
Somehow my case helped me a lot in developing my witnessing approach and pastoral strategy.
Monday May 17, 2010 (4th day of the 4th month of Heaven’s 1st yr) 12:56 AM Ulsan City
The dreams (6) The Light and the voice of the LORD
When I was a freshman, I had a classmate who was a member of the Mormon Church. His entire family members are all attending devotedly the Mormon’s faith. We became very good friends. We shared homesworks and other ideas related to our studies as well as issues on faith and spiritual matters. That following year, he was gone in the school and I learned of his decision to serve a 2-year missionary life outside the country from his elder brother who was one of our instructors in the GE department. Only that time, I’ve learned about the program of Mormon’s Church and appreciated it well.
During semestral break of 1986, 2 missionaries from Mormon’s Church came to our house and and told me that my classmate Ric introduced me to them. Because of my friendship with him that I entertained the 2 missionaries. The first 2 missionaries were both Filipinos from Cebu & Iloilo. After 2 months, the guy from Iloilo was replaced by an American. In the beginning, we just have had simple chats. However, they were too enthusiastic, determined, well versed with their teaching, well prepared for their mission and really have the conviction to bring me to their faith. The twice a month visit became once a week and almost every night right after they rented a house within our village. Though my grandmother didn’t like the situation but I was convinced after those sessions and attending their church services several times that the Mormon Church was the true church and even they proclaimed like that…
So I decided to be BAPTIZED and it was scheduled already on one Sunday during our summer break in April of 1987 and I would be fetched by the 2 missionaries at 7:30 am. However, that Saturday night before my scheduled baptism, I had this very wonderful dream.
I heard a voice talking in a language I didn’t understand and in front of me a very bright light appeared from nowhere. It was so bright that I couldn’t hold my eyes open to look at it. The light was coming near me and little by little its brightness was diminishing to form a human feature without face. Just a form of a human being wearing a long gown and looked like having a long hair but the only color was the brightness of the sun.
When it was already in front of me, suddenly the middle part of the chest had created a big hole and the “heart” shown is the SACRED OF HEART OF JESUS’ image with thorns around it CAME OUT. Inside that heart I saw Jesus’ face with tears of blood coming from his eyes and he spoke to me in English “no religion can save you except yourself”. He mentioned those words 3 times and I woke up by my grandmother who was so upset to find out that that Sunday was my scheduled baptism in the Mormon Church without their knowledge.
It was so strange that when I woke up that morning I had a high fever, my migraine was attacking me seriously, my acidity level rose up and I was vomiting a lot. The 2 missionaries were so dead serious to bring me to the church despite my health condition that day and they were saying that it was the work of the devil to prevent me from being baptized. So even though I had that health condition, I should go with them without fail and would see the miracles of God’s hands in me.
However, my dream was so clear to me that morning. I strongly believed what Jesus had said and I could feel he was stopping me from joining the Mormon Church so I had to make a firm decision too in front of the 2 missionaries. I told them…..”If the LORD wish me to join your church, let my feet naturally bring me there”
It was so strange for them to hear what I had said because for few months I was already showing them my enthusiasm & how much I was convinced about the Mormon’s faith and expressed my desire to join them.
That was the very reason why I wasn’t able to join the Mormon’s faith. Though I didn’t join them but I kept some of their teachings (bible base) in my heart which I didn’t hear from other denominations, such as:
1. The messiah will marry
2. There are different levels in the spirit world
3. The idea of holy marriage in the temple
4. The messiah will return in the flesh
5. We can be disciples of the messiah when he returns
6. Health is very important to keep the body as the temple of God
7. The book of Abraham
I believed my association with the Mormon’s faith was serving to be John the Baptist to my coming to the Unification Church designed by the Lord so that I would not have difficulty accepting the Divine Principle and True Parents considering God knew very well my personality.
I kept Jesus’ words spoken to me in dream, “NO RELIGION CAN SAVE YOU EXCEPT YOURSELF” and use it as guide to find the true church where I could meet God and the Lord as the end of my journey.
Written: Wednesday, 26th of May 2010 (13th day of the 4th month of Heaven’s 1st year) 12:00 NN Ulsan City
Dreams (7) The 9 chapters and my CARP membership
As I mentioned previously, I was almost hooked by the Mormons faith believing it was the church I was looking for….
After I saw and heard Jesus directly speaking, “No religion can save you except yourself,” I never thought anymore that religion was the only way to salvation…BUT it’s “ME”, “my way of life”. From that time on I searched for not only religious denominations but even groups which would say to me that it didn’t matter what religion you belong.
During the first semester of my 3rd year in the university, 2 students joined our school newspaper. They were both members of the Supreme Student Council (SSC) and Honor society and at the same time both CARP members.
Upon knowing their membership in CARP, my views about CARP changed too dramatically from nothing to a special organization. “Kuya Ric” (Gregorio) as many of the students fondly called him was a graduating student from Accountancy Department and a candidate for Magna Cum Laude who at that time was the Vice President of CARP organization. It was because of him that I joined the group and saw CARP in a different view. (Note: Kuya is a Filipino word for elder brother and Ate is for elder sister). He introduced to me all the different activities CARP was conducting inside the campus and only at that time I discovered how great the group was…
It was when our SSC weekly meeting was postponed that I first attended the meeting of CARP and from there I met Kuya Jun De Leon as the CARP president. Also I met Kuya Cesar Pacada, the president of Wonhwa Do with Ate Juliet Concepcion who was a student from the College of Law. I was surprised to see too that my friend from Civil Engineering dept and member of AUSSC (Marizel Soro) was a new member too. So when I saw great people in the campus being CARP members automatically I got the strong desire to be part of the group. Really my impression about CARP had changed 180 degrees.
From that time on I actively supported every activity they had inside the campus and was considered as an associate member.
There was a scheduled 4-day BKKB seminar that semestral break in October of 1987 and since I was a new member, I had to join this. I immediately paid the registration fee of 40.00 pesos to make sure that I was attending. However, a week after, they announced that the BKKB was converted into a 4-day Divine Principle seminar which absolutely required a 1-day introductory lecture before its schedule.
I had a difficulty attending this one day weekend activity since my grandma wouldn’t allow me. I tried to escape from Kuya Jun every Friday so I would have an excuse to say to him the following Monday we would meet. However, they told me that I really couldn’t join the 4-day Divine Principle seminar without this one day introductory lecture. I was struggling a lot and felt hopeless that both me and Kuya Jun thought, better join the next schedule instead.
It was already settled, I wouldn’t be attending that time so I planned just to refund my 40.00 pesos since that money was from my saving which was intended to buy books I needed for my major subjects. However that evening, I dreamed again. In my dream a voice told me that I couldn’t be a great leader without knowing the 9 chapters and then I woke up.
I was thinking what was that. I never heard nor had any idea about that point. Really I was floating in the air of where those 9 chapters would come from. I never thought of leadership position when I woke up. I was so interested to know what were those 9 chapters all about and where would they come from.
The next day I met Kuya Jun, I asked him about his idea of salvation and I was so surprised and shocked to hear from him telling me that “its not religion which can save you but how you follow God’s will.”Honestly, I was captured by him SIMPLY because of that statement. Kuya Jun was just a simple young student who had carried always a smile on his face. You couldn’t see any special thing from him. At that time, from his fashion and appearance, there was nothing special that could capture me EXCEPT for that statement of our Lord Jesus which Kuya Jun had exactly uttered.
I got interested to be with him always from that time on and began to ask him his views about all my dreams. I always looked for him because I wished to know many explanations about those revelations I had received. By the way, i saw a letterhead of HSA-UWC from his folder and when i asked him about his religion he told me he is from “Espiritista” faith… I thought HSA-UWC was a spiritualist group since it has Holy Spirit & Christianity words….
Since his explanations were somewhat logical I suspected that the Divine Principle seminar might be the answer to the mystery of the 9 chapters. However, when I asked him about what were the contents of the Divine Principle seminar, he told me that it was about the 16 chapters of the CARP principle. At the height of my hope to know where I could learn the 9 chapters, suddenly my enthusiasm was lessen a bit and had a thought that it was not the Divine Principle seminar and CARP principle. I didn’t ask for more since I wouldn’t be joining the workshop anyway.
Nevertheless, I asked Kuya Jun to give me basic orientation on what they said CARP Principles so even though it was already a settled agreement that I wouldn’t be joining the seminar, at least as a requirement to become a regular CARP member, I had to have that basic knowledge of the principle the group adhered.
Semestral break would be in 2 weeks time so I insisted to Kuya Jun to give me an orientation and finally, one afternoon in the library at 4 pm, he started his lecture by introducing True Father as the founder of CARP who received revelations from Jesus when he was 16y/o. He also mentioned about the several organizations and aspects of the organizations. I remembered the Mormons faith has expanded to different field too like the Unification Movement. Then, unintentionally, I interrupted him by saying…. “Oh he must be similar to Joseph Smith who claimed to be the last prophet”. I had said it in an unfavorable way even.
I like to questions things. My personality was so arrogant and feeling proud of myself that I believed disturbed him a lot. So instead of giving the introductory topic he jokingly said that if I could answer the 3 questions, I would be considered a regular member even though I didn’t have any seminar yet.
Actually he was so shocked to hear my answers to those 3 questions which made him said, “You are very much qualified to attend the 4-day Divine Principle.” I was very shocked too because the Divine Principle seminar was scheduled 2 weeks after that and my mind was already settled not attending.
He asked me where did I learn those ideas (answers to his 3 questions)… I just told him I got those revelations from dreams… well ACTUALLY, it wasn’t.
And he told me that that was basically part of chapter 1 of CARP principle. In addition to that, I was shocked to hear from him that during the 4-day seminar, only 9 chapters would be presented because the whole 16 chapters were scheduled for a 7-day workshop.
“This is it!!!!!!!!!” I exclaimed, I looked at heaven with a grateful heart during that very moment knowing that that was the place Heaven had prepared for me to discover what was in the 9 chapters, and maybe for Kuya Jun, he thought, I was so excited to be a CARP member since during those times witnessing for church membership was very difficult.
What were his 3 questions?
“What is an ideal man, what is an ideal family, what is an ideal society….so have you seen an ideal society now a days?”
What he forgot was (or didn’t know), there was one Mr & Miss University pageant rehearsals in the campus auditorium where I happened to be at and I heard these questions during the Q/A practice, exactly as what I had explained to him.
I BELIEVE, it was heaven’s intervention that I had known those things prior to that situation so I would be allowed to attend the 4-day Divine Principle seminar. …. Actually, I wasn’t after the group. It was God’s will and He planned me to be in CARP and He led my every step to be there. I strongly believed that it was God and heavenly destiny that called me to be where I am now…My faith didn’t come because of the Divine Principle. My faith started from these revelations through dreams and it was just solidified and strengthened through my understanding of the Divine Principle.
Tuesday, June 1 2010 (19th day of the 4th month of heaven’s 1st yr) 1:44 pm Ulsan City
How I met the Messiah in my Life
Though it was announced earlier that the BKKB student-workshop was converted to a Divine Principle seminar, I never had any inclinations that that 4 days would be the turning point of my life. Though I was preparing myself to meet the Lord, I never thought that in that workshop I would become one of the clouds prophesied in the bible who would welcome the Messiah.
I was so excited to attend, prepared my things well thinking that I would be attending a leadership workshop for the first time outside the campus. The night before I left our house, I felt something very strange. I couldn’t sleep and some kind of fear attacked me. I couldn’t describe my feeling and the thought about the workshop came into my mind. Until 4 am, I was struggling whether I would go or not. I just prayed to the Lord that if that was His will allow me to go, IF it wasn’t, better create a logical reason that I couldn’t attend. However, despite having no sleep until 4 am, I woke up well at 7, prepared myself and left our house at 8 in the morning. I arrived in CARP student home just before the group had to move to the church center in Aduas for the seminar venue. When I saw many of my comrades from our university were attending too, I forgot my strange feeling anymore I had the night before. I enjoyed the orientation and introductory lecture before lunch of the first day.
In the afternoon, we had our first dose of the real Divine Principle lecture. Our lecturer for the entire 4 days was Rev. Niduasa who was then the Regional Director for Northeastern Luzon. Our seminar coordinator was Mr. Abner Aquino who was then teaching in one of the schools in Cabanatuan City.
The Principle of creation is science base and the explanations suffice my intellectual understanding about creation and the universe. It gave me a lot of interest to listen attentively because though I attended different religious groups and denominations, I never learned any religious principle with scientific base explanations.
It was my first time to realize that God is not God “out there” but God is “OUR PARENT”. It was my first time to feel that God is our Parent and suddenly I thought that’s maybe the very reason why Jesus began his prayer with “Our father”. My mind was seriously contemplating about God being “our parent” instead of just being God taught to us in Christianity. The explanation gave me a deeper view of God’s personality and heart. God being a parent is completely different from other theory that I’ve learned.
One more point was that, the entire universe was created in pattern to human beings. That was very new to me, really. When I thought about that deeply, I came to my senses that, “yeah, it’s true!” These 2 points caught my interest to pay attention to that workshop.
The following morning, we had, of course, our area of cleaning responsibility and our group was assigned to take care of the lecture hall. As early as 5 am, we were hearing a Korean music played by a cassette tape. For me, it was very strange because who among the students understood Korean. My job was to scrub the floor with the “bunot” and to set my mood in, I turned off the cassette tape and just tuned it in to FM mellow rock sound so we could have a nice sound. While everybody was enjoying the cleaning, all of a sudden the mother figure came down from the 2nd floor and scolded us strongly saying that satanic music was not allowed in the center. Whew! I was so shocked to hear that those songs enjoyed by the young people were satanic as she described it…I never reacted bluntly about it though I couldn’t understand how could it become satanic.
After breakfast we had our second lecture which was about the Fall of Man. What a very clear explanation about the true meaning of the fruit, the 2 trees in the Garden of Eden and the real identity of the serpent. I understood well what was the root of sin and no question about it. The topic was until the 4 kinds of sin and fallen natures. Things were becoming excited for me since those were really new ideas. I found the explanations very logical and universally well accepted. I didn’t have any question about that until during our team discussion I was asked to break-up my relationship with a guy. That was a bit shocking since I never heard from the lecture that it was neither a sin nor a mistake. It drew me to questions the staff of many issues they couldn’t answer properly until they all gave up.
That night, I couldn’t sleep and I came out of the room passing the room by the stairs where all the seminar staffs, team leaders and lecturer were having a meeting. What a coincidence! That very moment I overheard them discussing about me and their conclusion was to send me home because I could disturb the seminar atmosphere and influence other participants. I remained quiet as I went back to our room and think about it the whole night without their knowledge that I knew what would happen the next day.
My heart was very heavy that morning, I didn’t join the morning exercise instead I arranged my things and ready to go after breakfast. My ego was touched and my personality was retaliating. What did I do wrong? Was it bad to question things like issues on having boyfriend? Why it was a sin? Was it bad to ask who was the couple in the picture frames hanged in every room and single area of the house? Was it bad to react why we need to wear socks during lecture time especially if the participants were not used to wear socks in the house? Was it bad to ask why they considered songs not part of their songs, ‘satanic’? Was it bad to ask why we were not allowed to talked with the boys during the seminar? Admittedly speaking, I did a lot of naughty things during that time such as distributing stick of matches to those who were at the front seats telling them to place it in between their eyelids because it was so shameful to doze off in front during lecture time; changing seat depending on the lecture atmosphere; and, others. Whatever their reasons were, I didn’t hear anything except the recommendation that I must be sent home.
Anyhow, I was prepared to go home and told myself, “I will never come back and never will join CARP anymore”.
I believed God knows me best and He knew that if I would leave that place that day….. My road to restoration would be blocked and prolonged. After breakfast, I took a shower and that time, our CARP coordinator Elder Jelly Torres joined me in the shower room and without any reason suddenly she explained a logical scenario related to the process and motivation of the fall and from there I realized why having a relationship was not good. She told me I had to finish the lectures so I could understand completely the whole thing. I was waiting for any of them to tell me to go but nobody did so I continued and luckily I was able to reach the concluding part.
Actually that evening we discussed about the Purpose of the Messiah. I was crying deep in my heart knowing the truth that JESUS was a real man with flesh and bones and couldn’t imagine how could he endure the physical pain of being crucified for us. All throughout my life as a Catholic I was made to believe that Jesus was God — omniscient/omnipotent almighty! That understanding about God made me believed that He was free from suffering and pain and all sorts of things. Only that time I realized how painful externally and internally it was for Jesus to experience the crucifixion. I love Jesus very much. I felt strongly connected with him because of those dreams that I had in the past that’s why learning about the crucifixion, the result of John the Baptist’s failure and Jesus real identity made my faith with him stronger than before and the more I came to value the lectures presented to us.
That night as I was very grateful to be there listening to the lecture. That was the day too that I was tested to leave because of what I had overheard. If I let my ego and arrogance went over me, I could have gone without finishing the lecture and that would be the end of God’s preparation for me to receive the Messiah….Really God knows us best. He knows where to touch us and how to teach us. It’s a matter of our portion of responsibility to respond and how much arrogance we need to shed off so that we can meet God in His time frame.
Third day was all about the last days, principle of restoration from overview until the providential families and parallelism of history. What were interesting then were the issues about Jacob and Esau, the twins inside Tamar’s womb, the offerings of Abraham, the mistake of Ham, Jesus 3 temptations and Moses course. All the symbols and parables in the Bible became clearer to me. I didn’t fully understand all the chapters but these parts got my interest because I came to understand well what was in the BIBLE that were all mysteries for me before. These topics gave light and a clear understanding of what I was reading from the Holy Book. Also, many of my dreams were interpreted during that time together with many questions I had in my mind were all answered.
That evening we had watched a video about FAITH and REALITY. It was about True Father’s course. While watching, suddenly I heard a small voice “hmmm for sure they will tell you that Rev Moon is the Messiah, would you believe it?” I didn’t know where that thought came from. I remembered the Mormon’s faith that after all the study sessions I had with them, at the end they claimed Joseph Smith was the modern day prophet anointed by God. Also that night I had disturbed the atmosphere by saying that statement in sarcasm to other participants while watching the video. However, as we continued to watch the video, I came to learn the many foundations True Parents have built in the entire course of his ministry until that time. Those accomplishments and his torture life in prison amazed me and it erased the bit of doubt created by that small voice I heard a while ago.
The small insistent voice telling me “He is the One”
On the 4th and it was the final day, I was shocked to see the topic “when, where and how the Messiah will come?” That slide reminded me of the small voice I heard the night we were watching the video and I told myself, “This is another religion too”. All the past lectures came back into my mind but instead of inspirations, I realized they were presented in that way to convince us to join their church which I hate to since Jesus showed me in my dreams that IT’S NOT RELIGION who would SAVE ME. I felt a bit frustrated.
I didn’t know what kind of feeling I had but I lost interest to listen to the lectures attentively though I remained seated in my place. I honestly didn’t pay any attention anymore. However, some kind of spiritual phenomena took place during that time. When the topic is already about “Where”, Rev Niduasa showed the slide of 3 countries in the Far East where my eyes were focused only on the Korean map and suddenly my ears couldn’t hear anything, I couldn’t hear the lecturer’s voice anymore. My surroundings became very quiet and the only thing I had remembered was a small voice begging me to believe “He is the one, he is the one, why can’t you believe it?” While I was hearing that voice begging me many times to believe it, I felt an invisible being pinched my left chest so strongly that I shouted “ouch” and I started crying until the lecture was over even until our closing ceremony and even until I was leaving the seminar venue that evening.
I couldn’t explain well that time what had happened to me because I kept on crying and crying and even couldn’t eat. My feelings were changed from a doubt to an absolute acceptance that True Father is the Messiah. My dubious heart turned into a heart of joy knowing that the Messiah is already on earth and in my lifetime I could meet him personally. After that incident, I was very quiet and just tears kept rolling down my face and every time I saw the staff, they all looked like angels to my eyes. I felt I didn’t want to leave the place. What so dramatic was when I wrote a note to the brother who invited me, I wrote it in a table napkin and it was full of tears expressing my gratitude for inviting me to join the workshop.
For the entire 3 days, I didn’t have any aura that could be said “oh she is prepared to receive the lecture”. Rather I looked like the opposite. Never did I possess that image even and base on my behavior during those times, nobody would expect that I would be the most sincere participant to accept the truth. In my reflection papers, I never expressed my realizations except thanking the lecturer for the job well done that day. Honestly, nobody believed me when I cried after that “slide”. It looked like I was acting fake. Most especially, since I was part of a leftist- idealist student group; I looked like a spy inside the seminar at that time.
When I was alone in the room packing my things I was crying continuously, I remembered Sister Beth who came in, she was a registered nurse and was assigned as PWPA coordinator in the region asking me “why are you crying?”
I burst into more tears in my answer to her that it was because I already found the messiah and blaming myself why only that time I found him well in fact if I responded to the invitation 2 years back, I could have known earlier the truth I was longing for however, I was so confused with her reply telling me to“PRAY MORE MAYBE YOU ARE MISTAKEN”
I don’t know if that was a Test-reply or because she too didn’t believe I understood the lecture and accepted True Father. But my heart was firmed in that belief that True Father is the one I was waiting for who has to come. Because of that small voice begging me to see the truth in that lecture was the real reason I accepted True Father as the messiah. The small begging voice, strong pinch in my chest and that “slide” were the SPIRITUAL experiences I had that opened my spiritual eyes to learn and accept the truth from Heaven.
I believed God had pushed me to the limit already because it’s about time for me to really take the mission for the providence. I was 19 years old and was in my 3rd year in the university taking up Geodetic Engineering. I was very much involved in different student organizations, I could have gone astray in my life if God wouldn’t have forced me to learn the truth.
I accepted True Father as the Messiah not because I understood the entire Divine Principle lectures we had at that time nor the intellectual knowledge of what we have learned. I believed, I was really called and God have made my destiny beyond any preparations.
There were so many blocks and disturbances before I could attend the real lectures. It took more than a year before I responded to the invitation. There were many dreams too before I met the Unification church as preparation for me to meet True Parents. I firmly believed my ancestors have made my way seriously to really meet my destined path. If you were called, you will surely be captured. I realized later how much forces of evil have tried to stop and block me however it’s our will-power that would help God meet and reach our destination.
Before I left the church center, I declared in my prayer, “From today October 22nd 1987 at 10 am, my life is only for God and True Parents.”
My views and mindset had changed 180 degrees immediately after that moment as if i have accustomed to that belief already. I felt a change of atmosphere within me immediately after that, things that I couldn’t explain by words but a great joy and degree of seriousness enveloped me.
Now i could say, that is How God called us, hooked us and destined us to the path He wished us to be.
Written: Tuesday, May 31st 2011, 7 pm Ulsan City